awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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