Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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