So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
