In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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