he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Just pee around me
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
So much Jack, so little girl.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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