I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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