I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
