I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
