it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
