Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
That reminds me...we need to get swords
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
