Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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