You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
