great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
he shaved USA in his pubs
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
