you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
