We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
