I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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