i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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