So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
