I CAN MOONWALK!
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
