How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
