My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
