I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize