Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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