I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
