the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
