I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Where is the hickey?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
