remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
