he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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