I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
