Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
