Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
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Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
This is the high leading the old right now
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
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I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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