So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Text me some of your sweat
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
