My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
