there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
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