I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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