So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
