i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
