I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
