How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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