he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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