So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
