Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
