Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
