Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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