I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
