Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
