If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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