I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
