i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
