she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
