what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
