yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
