Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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