is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
The power of my boobs compel you
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
