Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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