My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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