Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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