The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Sober January is a disaster.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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