That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
