It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
