Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
