We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
