All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
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