YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
