I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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