I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
