it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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