I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
