So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
When are your genitals available?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
