Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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