why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize