I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
