hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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