I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
