when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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