Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
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she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
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Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
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