Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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