we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Operation Purity has been aborted
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
