Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
This is my life. Enjoy the view
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
