you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
