I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Randomize
