I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
