I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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