i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
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