My cat gives me a boner
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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