you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
